Dating Outlook

Dating sites are dangerous places. Seriously … there are a million things that could go wrong with an internet date … and sometimes they happen before we even meet the person we’re talking to. The following is an email that goes around randomly sometimes, but someone else has decided to use it as their personal ad. Do they really believe that this is going to attract a woman? It might attract a man of the same sense of humor, but otherwise … I’m boggled.

25 Rules for Women, as Dictated by Men

1. SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister.
2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.
3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.
4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
5. Butthead is the smart one. (And that is why I shall call you Butthead.)
6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
7. You probably don’t want to know what we’re thinking about.
8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about “us” and “the relationship.”
9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out the beer.
11. Socks never constitute a gift. (If you’d remember that we like gifts, too, maybe you won’t get socks this year!)
12. I just noticed there was never a #12. Weird.
13. We don’t know anything about handbags. Don’t even ask.
14. We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
15. Even if you think he’s cute, Kevin Costner can’t act.
16. Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good sense to do “Sirens” rather than “Waterworld.”
18. Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in favor of yours.
20. Its in neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
21. Don’t expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.
22. Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation are not.
23. Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better.
24. No, you can’t have the remote control.
25. If you must take us with you into Victoria’s Secret, never, ever leave us alone. All the old ladies make mean faces at us and only add to our discomfort.

dating, humor, men & women, personal ads