Playin’ it safe
It seems as though I don’t make decisions until something seems to stand in my way or someone tells me I can’t do it… and even though this gent in particular never told me I couldn’t do anything, essentially what I heard was that anything I wanted to do outside of San Diego would definitely not be with him, despite his greatness.
Then again, maybe if I were to be completely honest with myself I could attribute some of these feelings of just being content with liking someone far away.
Why would I waste my time? Because it’s safe, I’ve decided. And, I’m not really settling either. It’s the best of both worlds.
Think about it…if it doesn’t (which it won’t –although, I’m hearing my mom’s voice, “You never know,� echoing in my ears) work, it won’t be because of me or something I did. I won’t feel as much rejection. It’s such a long distance and those take work… so much that I don’t think either of us is really willing or able to put in to a full-on relationship right now… and so, when either one of us moves on (ahem, like my going on dates with all-but-perfect men and negating them as a prospect because they want to live close to their family…I need help), it won’t be because I’m neurotic or clingy or passive-aggressive or judgmental or just a jerk sometimes, but it will be because of the distance…or so we’ll say.
Or at least, that’s what I’ll tell myself. And that’s a safe place for me to be right now.
November 3rd, 2007 at 1:54 pm
[...] really kind of sucks is that she doesn’t spend time with straight men. Ever. Saying she’s playin’ it safe is an overstatement. She’s delusional. She’s in a female and gay man infested time warp and [...]
November 17th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
[...] I’m still not sure where “we� stand and am not in the mood to try to figure it out. Just friends? More than? Ugh. I’m [...]