Forgiveness
Two dear friends of mine are very evolved in their abilities to forgive. Both are extraordinary women. Both have been betrayed by the love of their life and both of them somehow have found a very profound and loving grace within them that can only be described as unconditional love. The only thing I can think of comparing this love to is what I think of God to be, I guess.
When someone you’re so close to–whether you’re engaged, married or a best friend to, whatever–when that person betrays you by doing something that many people would find to be unforgiveable…cheating, blowing away a shared life savings, essentially living a double life… what is it in us that allows us to forgive that person?
At the risk of sounding trite, I think of relationships as a sort of social bank account. Depositing time, energy and love accrues over time and eventually makes a pretty good foundation on which two people can have a decent bond.
But when one of those people withdraws to the point where they’re over-drawing, start accumulating metaphorical fees and get stuck in the red… how do we get back to the safe place where the red is no longer a worry?
Or is it always there?
September 19th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
I think that you are on the right track…relationships are a kind of social bank account. I read a book called His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr., and in it he talks about how everyone has a “love bank� that contains many different accounts - one for each of the people we know. In a marriage, or any intimate relationship for that matter, there are things that our spouse (partner) may do that bring us extreme joy and happiness. In these instances, they are making deposits into our love bank. If that spouse or partner later does something to hurt us or make us feel bad then they would be withdrawing from our love bank. As time goes by, if there are more withdraws then there are deposits, it makes for a very rocky relationship. If this is happening in a relationship, as it has in mine, there is definitely still hope…and forgiveness is the answer. As long as both parties are willing to work at it – it can be done. Forgiveness does take time though…and even in my situation, I don’t think I have totally forgiven yet. But, luckily, my spouse is willing to truly work at making only DEPOSITS into my love bank and it has helped keep me on the right path to forgiveness.
PS – His Needs, Her Needs is a book that should be read by all couples (married or even just dating)…it helps in understanding what your spouses needs are and how you can fulfill them and vice versa. Truly a great book!!!