Dating Outlook

I haven’t been on a “real” date in years. I haven’t had someone ask me to dinner, pick me up, take me out, take me to the movies, and then drop me off afterwards yet. All this, and I’m already nervous about a “potential” first date. In order to prepare myself for this first date, I enlisted the Internet’s help and was completely overwhelemd by the number of first date “do’s & don’ts” that there are. The two that were my favorite were both written by college newspapers - and as a recent college grad (2004) I felt more comfortable reading these ones than the ones written by 45-year-old divorcee’s.

So, without further ado, I have pulled the 10 first date do’s & don’ts from Gretchen Ross & Jeremy Plezer of University of Illinois at Springfield! (My notes are in bold after their “rules.”)

1. Don’t dress like you just woke up or like you are attending church. Okay, so no pajama-dates and no Sunday-morning church dates. I can handle showering and looking decent but still feeling comfortable.

2. Don’t let the conversation be one-sided with awkward pauses. I talk too much. I know I talk too much. This could end up leaving my date on the one-sided awkward pause date. There are heaps & piles of “safe” things to talk about, college sports (the only real sports I know anything about), jobs, the town we live in, mutual friends. I’ll bring a roll of duct tape in my purse just in case I get verbal diahhrea. The authors of this article say to avoid bringing up sex, politics & religion, but I had a great conversation with a guy last night about religion, so if you’re comfortable, I say go for it!

3. Don’t remained glued to the cell phone the entire date. Who talks on their cell phone on a date? Seriously, I think that’s just weird. I don’t even talk on the cell phone for long periods of time when I’m with friends. It’s rude!

4. Don’t bring up past relationships. I agreee. On this first date, your new date doesn’t need to know all about your past. I wouldn’t shy away from mentioning that I was divorced, if I was asked about my past, but I’m not going to be offering up any details on why I’m no longer married on this first date! “Enjoy the moment of spending time with someone new.”

5. If you are at a meal, don’t order for the other person. Did you hear that, potential first date guy? Don’t order for me! I think this is just a strange custom. I have never been with friends who have even ordered for me and would be bothered if a guy started picking out my food. I am an adult, you don’t have to do this for me.

6. Don’t overdo the PDA. What? On the first date? You mean I can’t keep my hand in your back pocket all night long? Who does this stuff on a FIRST date? I’ll respect your space and I assume that you’ll respect mine! As if the entire night weren’t awkward enough as it is, back off unless you ask first and I okay it!

7. Don’t ask or assume that because you are on the first date that you are automatically in a relationship. “A first date is like an audtion for a play or a job interview.” You are looking at potential here, not immediately husband (or wife) material. One date does not constitute a relationship!

8. Don’t set extremely high goals for the date. Your number one priority on your first date should be to get to know the person you’re out with more than you did before. Most of the time this will be easy - but you don’t have to plan everything down to the last milliseconds to have fun and get to know someone. “Hang out … get to know the person” and have fun with it.

9. Don’t be late. Number 9. Oh, why isn’t this number 1? I am a stickler with time. If I were a super-hero, my name would be “Perpetually Early Girl.” I hate being late and I hate it when people are late if they’re meeting me for something. Being on time shows a person that they are important to you - and who doesn’t like to be made to feel important? (especially on a first date) If you have to, set your clocks ahead so you’re early, even! Impress me, be there before me!

10. Don’t be fake. Be. Yourself. You were probably acting just like your own self when your date asked you out, and they want to get to know that person, not your “cool alter ego.” Your true personality will make an appearance even if you don’t want it to, so why bother faking it? I am much more attracted to a man who is confident in himself (yet still modest) and who he is, rather than someone trying to put on a front towards me. If you’re afraid that your sarcasm or your honesty might be too brutal at time, just tone down your personality; it’s still your personality that’s coming out, just not as strong!

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