Dating Outlook

A post or two ago I started talking about Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and today I stumbled (while doing some research … not just a “hey, I’m going to go play a game, whoa, now I know how to live with Herpes!” kind of stumbling) across a Q & A “article” that made me stop & read it. I thought that I should share it with ya’ll!

Q: I was diagnosed with genital herpes in 2001. My outbreaks sometimes have me in tears for days. How can I try to have a healthy sex life when it’s so easy to pass along this disease? I feel it’s not fair to my partner, and having it makes me feel like I’m not worthy of healthy sex or that I shouldn’t be experimenting with anything because I’m “dirty” now.

A: Forty five million Americans, or nearly one in five people, have the same illness. Another 100 million Americans have oral herpes, aka cold sores, though there is far less of a stigma associated with that strain. All chronic STDs are the result of a virus that can never be eliminated from the body; however, many options exist for managing them.

A healthy, happy sex life is absolutely possible with herpes. However, you must believe it to make it happen. Reach out for support so you can begin getting rid of the shame you feel. Your statements that you feel “not worthy” and “dirty” are powerful feelings. Visiting a therapist can help you accept your condition and focus on moving forward. There are also online support groups for people with herpes. They can offer excellent information and connect you with others going through similar struggles.

Aside from giving your mind the attention it deserves, a healthy lifestyle will help minimize herpes episodes. Getting enough sleep, eating right, and minimizing stress all go a long way toward keeping breakouts to a minimum. Several medications on the market also help.

Negotiating sex with a new partner simply requires honesty. Everyone has something they don’t like about their sexuality or their past. You should be clear about your diagnosis at the beginning of a relationship and if your partner is not willing to work around it, then he is not the right person for you. Arming yourself with the facts will help the conversation go more smoothly. Though there is a small risk of passing on the virus when you don’t have any lesions (via a process known as shedding), studies show that consistent condom use largely minimizes this risk. When you have a visible herpes outbreak, sexual activity should be avoided entirely. This includes oral sex too, since herpes can be passed from the mouth to the genitals.

A good way to begin easing your way back to a regular sex life may be to check out online dating sites for people with chronic STDs. Though you don’t have to limit yourself to them forever, it’s a good place to start.

… but need to anyway.

Whether you were taught to call them Sexually Transmitted Diseases or Sexually Transmitted Infections, you need to be aware of the fact that they’re still out there! Dating can be a dangerous playground mentally & emotionally, and especially physically! I am going to take some time to concentrate on the most common sexually transmitted infections for a bit in hopes of educating someone!

First on my list is a virus containing more than 100 different strains or types: the human papilomavirus, with more than 30 of these viruses transmitted sexually can infect the genital area of men and women including the skin of the penis, vulva (area outside the vagina), or anus, and the linings of the vagina, cervix, or rectum. The “high-risk” viruses may cause abnormal Pap smears, can lead to cancers of the cervix, vulva, vagina, anus or penis. “Low-risk” can cause mild Pap smear abnormalities or genital warts. Scarily enough, 1/2 of the sexually active population (yes, 50%) acquire HPV in their lifetime. By the time women are 50, 80% will have acquired the virus. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.

Read more about HPV including signs & symptoms, facts about men & HPV, vaccinations & cures, and outbreak reduction strategies.

STI’s, STD’s, genital warts, human papilomavirus, HPV, cervical cancer, sex

Are you supposed to plan your next date? Are you stuck for ideas? Check out this post - a list of date ideas.

* go to the zoo or aquarium - bring your camera and take silly pictures with your date and the animals

* see a play, musical, movie, dance performance or concert - but this makes makes it hard to have a conversation so it may not be the greatest if it’s your first date or if you both like to talk

* visit an art gallery - laugh at the fact that you could probably paint like Jackson Pollock if you really wanted

* play board or card games - bring yourself back to your childhood and break out the games, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like at least one board game!

* go camping - if you’re ready to hang out overnight, head out for a hiking & camping trip. Enjoy the fact that you can’t shower and your date is about to see you at your crunchiest!

* check out mini-golfing - no one has to be good at it, the worse you are, the more fun the game will be!

* play in the rain together - this is really fun … have you ever puddle-jumped in the rain? Played tag in the rain? Just danced around in the rain? Try it out - it makes you feel great!

* go for a drive - gas may be expensive but it would be worth sitting in the car and being able to talk while driving around … get lost, find your way out and have fun with it!

* rent a movie or just watch TV together - if you & your date want something low-key, watch the boob-tube. You can talk during it, mute the commercials, pause for bathroom breaks, and enjoy yourself comfortably.

* go to a playground - talk about fun; make yourself feel 8-years-old again. Play on the slides (get shocked when you land at the bottom), play on the swinging bridge, push your date on the swings (don’t get stuck in the baby-swing though!) and laugh until your stomach hurts.

* find a coffee place - look for a place that is going to be quiet, sit on a couch, read the newspaper together and enjoy a cup of hot (or cold) liquid together!

dates, men, women, romance, dating, Portland

I mentioned in my previous entry that I didn’t join a dating site because I had friends who were willing to set me up with their male friends if I expressed interest. I never actually said anything, but apparently I had a “desperate” stamp on my forehead and they read it loud & clear. However, if you don’t have friends with single male friends, or don’t have the in-person connections, there are millions of dating sites out there you could join to get to know someone in your area. I found the top six online dating sites through About.com and thought that I’d share them here. I don’t indorse any of them, as I haven’t used them, but everyone needs resources, right?

1. Match.com - According to Match.com, “Love is complicated, match is simple”. Match.com is one of the biggest online dating sites, claiming that almost 250,000 people meet that special someone each year on their site. They also claim to have inspried twice as many marriages as any other online dating site.

2. Yahoo! Personals - Yahoo! Personals claims you’ll “Find better first dates, more second dates!” Focusing on compatability, Yahoo! Personals aims to provide a combination of individual choice, quality matches, and a top-notch user experience to make the most of your personal time.

3. EHarmony.com - eHarmony is the online dating site for people who are “ready to find the love of their life.” eHarmony offers a personality profile that scores your preferences on 29 key dimensions critical to relationship success. The profile is then used to help you find your true love.

4. America’s Internet Dating - “America’s Internet Dating is the love spot. The dating site offers you a fun and safe way to meet that special someone. Signing up is simple, free, and fun to do. It takes no time and your social life will soar.”

5. True.com - True.com believes in “safety first” and offers the most extensive marital and criminal background checks on the Internet. They also claim to have the only scientific-based compatibility profile to measure 99 important relationship factors.

6. U-Singles.com - Don’t let love pass “U” by! This is a new site offering millions of singles to choose from. You can search for a match based on criteria such as looks, hobbies, location, age, interests, religion and income all in the privacy of your own home. There’s nothing like logging on to find out that “You’ve Got Mail” from someone interesting.

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