Dating Outlook

Growing up, my dad always told me, “Never assume or you’ll make an ass out of “u� and me. My dad is a wise man. In my experience with dating, I’ve been more than guilty of making assumptions. Granted, the majority of those assumptions err on the side of pessimism. It’s hard not to make assumptions.

When a guy I’m talking to regularly (read: several times during the week) says he wants to see me on the weekend and ends the conversation with “see you in a couple of days,â€? or “see you tomorrow, then,â€? I am going to make the assumption that we’re going to see each other in “a couple of days.â€? Am I foolish or naïve to take him for his word? “Probably,â€? I tell myself, given his flaky tendencies in the past. Do I have unrealistic expectations? I’m beginning to think so. On more than one occasion –due to whatever the circumstance—I’m left confused when nothing comes of the tentative—and I use this term loosely—“date.â€?

Maybe it’s a regional thing and I’m just having a tough time coping with the “laid back� attitude of some Californians. Let me rephrase that, one Californian. Or maybe he’s just not that into me—or at least, not in the way I need him to be. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised anymore. Actually, I’m not… surprised anymore, that is.

Dad’s absolutely correct. Assumptions set someone up for one of two things: disappointment or a false sense of what may be true and real. I can’t help it, some things must be assumed. Unfortunately, from now on, forever erring on pessimism, I’m going to assume his word means nothing.

xx

Sandy

It’s Friday night and you’re at a hot new bar in the trendy area of your town with your girlfriends. You make eye contact with a stranger and eventually start talking. You exchange phone numbers and go home excited at the prospect of a date. He calls you on Sunday, you go on a date on Tuesday, and then Saturday and then silence. You don’t hear from him again before you go back out with your girls on Friday night two weeks after you exchanged phone numbers. Sound familiar? Does it make you wonder why he didn’t call you? There are a million (literally) reasons he may not have called; let’s look at some of them.

He’s playing “The Game”. When guys start dating someone, they don’t want to come off as desperate, so they just don’t call for a few days. This may happen every couple of days (between phone calls) and it’s completely normal (in my mind). It may just mean that he wants to keep you around rather than scaring you away with his desperation. However, if it spans a week and he’s still not calling, it’s time to move on because he’s not worth your time.

He may just be a player. If he calls you, you go out, and then he doesn’t call you again for three weeks, he has other priorities and is falling back on you when he can’t come up with anything to do. My advice? Give him a taste of his own medicine - never return his phone calls.

Does he say that he has a busy job? Does he at least have five minutes to call while in the car to say “hi”? Just remember that you deserve a man who is willing to make time for you even if he’s traveling for most of his job.

If you spend time online, chatting with him he may consider this an equivalent to a telephone call. I, honestly, prefer to chat online rather than the telephone because I do a million things at once, and can’t quite do that while on the phone. (I need to invest in a blue tooth ear piece). If you are able to chat with your guy, I wouldn’t expect as many phone calls as “normal” from him. Just be glad that you get to talk with him!

Overall, there is no ONE reason he didn’t call. Just use your own gut & heart and if he doesn’t call, find another guy who will!

relationships, dating, phone calls, gut feelings, love