Dating Outlook

Okay, so I get the “three day rule” where ya go out on a date and if it went well, you’ll hear from the other person (in my case, since I have a personal rule of not calling first…I don’t know if it’s old fashioned, me wanting to just revel in being “the girl,” or if it’s me just being lazy…I haven’t decided yet…) three days later.

Okay, who was the genius who came up with this one? Arbitrarily, they decided on the number three…I guess (because come on, no one really knows for sure–it’s just this ridiculous idea made to make me more neurotic than I already am) because one day later is too soon, two days just doesn’t sound right because it’s an even number and…well, if you want to be sequential, call the third day…if he waits until day four I’m off planning a wedding with the cute barista from starbucks on 2nd street… no, he doesn’t know it yet. Sigh. Okay, I get that.

WHAT is this phone tag business? I’ll tell ya what it isn’t! It is not the bizness…that’s for sure. It’s irritating. Call me on a thursday, great! i don’t have my entire weekend planned yet… we have just enough time to squeeze in a jamba juice between my precious beach time and my yoglates (it’s a hybrid workout–it’s new, don’t judge me) class.

maybe I just need to turn my trust to fate and let it go…

Are you wonderer? When it doesn’t work out with a guy and I find out he’s with someone new, I find myself wondering what it is that is making it work with “her” instead of me.

Is it her hair? Does she smell nicer? Does she boost his ego and tell him his butt is cute?

What does she do different that I didn’t do? What does she have that I don’t? Are her lips fuller? Is she blonde? more tan? Is she fluent in three languages? Does she want to settle down and have his babies or is she restless …like me?

Is it the sex? Is that all? Does he get butterflies when he’s around her? Does he ever get wrapped up in the folds of my memory? Does he ever miss me?

Perhaps it’s our masochistic nature that compels to compare ourselves to others… even if they don’t quite exist in our world. It’s the past… I should be over it…especially if it was my decision, right? Yes. Lay it …her… him… all thoughts to rest.

I’m a bit of a commit-o-phobe. I’m the first to admit. I’m 23 years old and every time I turn around, it seems like another one of my friends has caught the love bug and is getting married…not to mention the babies they’re having!

It makes me start to feel old and inferior because quite frankly, I have little interest in any of those things whatsoever at this point in my life. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I haven’t found “the One;” that I’m not currently watching for price drops in the house market; or that I’m decidedly terrified of children.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to want all these things….eventually. And, yeah it would be nice to have a good guy I’m head over heels for around for support and to just goof around with…but …”forever?” Right now? For real? For scary.

So when I read “Married at 24: Crazy in Love or Just Crazy?” at http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/couplesandmarriage/articlemc.aspx?cp-documentid=5213699&page=1 on MSN.com, I was more than a little relieved that the author used “24″ as her “too young” age. My parents were “underage and engaged” tying the knot at 20 & 21 together… luckily they’ve withstood the test of time and have lasted almost 30 years and are still going strong.

What is it that is so different “nowadays” than just thirty years ago? Are we more superficial? Do we change our minds that much over time? Or are we insatiable? I’ve been feeling a bit insatiable lately…but I guess it’s a comfort to know I’m not alone.

Do you believe things happen for a reason? That there is no such thing as a coincidence?

I always thought I happen to live a rather serendipitous lifestyle…and after watching the movie “Serendipity,” I’m even more convinced. It’s a few years old and stars John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale… if you haven’t seen it, I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

Here’s a short synopsis courtesy movies.yahoo.com:

“It’s a bustling day in New York City, and amidst the usual mad rush, the paths of two strangers collide as they fall victim to a mutual, all-consuming attraction. Despite the fact that each is involved in another relationship, Jonathan and Sara bide their time, staying connected by wandering through Manhattan and talking until the wee hours, while never mentioning each other’s names. But, when the night reaches an inevitable end, the two are forced to determine the next step. When the smitten Jonathan suggests an exchange of phone numbers, Sara has a different idea in mind that will allow fate to take control of the future. If they are meant to be together, she convinces him, the universe will reveal its telltale signs. At least that’s the plan… ”

Sandy wants to hear from you! Look at that, not only is she writing in the third person, she wants to have a little experiment.

Taken people–do you believe you’re with your true soulmate? The one person in the universe that is your real complement? Have you met your match?

Single people–do you ever wonder if the person with whom you’re destined to be is someone you already know/pass by on a regular basis/is someone merely tolerating their current existence/path/lifestyle until fate takes control? Or maybe it has already………

Do you see fate working its way into your life?

Am I a fool, naive or silly for using an intangible and inexplicable feeling as a standard for whether or not I’ll entertain the thought of having something of substance with someone.

Last night, I went on a date with someone I just met. It was a lot of fun. We enjoyed each other’s company.

At the end of the date I found out his age…that being twelve years older than me.

I am going to do what many women refuse to do unless having to prove it in order to get into a bar or club. It’s something I have not yet shared with ya’ll and that is reveal my age. I am twenty three years old. And a fairly fresh twenty three at that.

Maybe it’s irrelevant, but often times people mistake me for being much younger. When people ask if I’ve graduated, usually they’re referring to high school when I have in fact actually graduated from college.

On days I go completely without makeup and/or decide to wear my black plastic framed glasses, I have been mistaken for being thirteen.

The man I went on a date with is thirty five. 35! Next year I will be two-thirds his age. That’s a bit steep, isn’t it? I mean come on!

Sigh. This post might end up being a several day rant just to warn you.

He’s Catholic… it would never work.
Her voice would drive me insane–it’s too squeaky.
He wears braces.
Her teeth are too perfect.
He has a cowlick.
She has a mustache.
He’s gimpy.
She’s got man hands.
His accent is obnoxious.
She looks like she smells funny.

…Do any of these excuses sound familiar? I kid you not, I’ve heard each and every one of them spoken at one point or another by friends, acquaintances, (even I’m guilty of one…ok, maybe two) about a potential date.

Have you ever discarded someone because of something so silly?

Alright. I can’t take it. So much pressure! The media, hollywood, men and heck, other women create so much pressure. Maybe we put it on ourselves…I tend to stress myself out. What do men want? What do we expect out of other women?

To name a few things
we expect women to be… or should I rephrase that–
women, we expect to be…

-maternal but sexy
-feminine and girly but if a woman likes sports, she’s a needle in a haystack
-independent but not so much that she seems aloof, standoffish or like she’s a snob
-thin but not anorexic (what is this fine line? …excuse me while I just grab my BMI chart will you..thanks.)
-we’re supposed to have sex drives but don’t want to show that too soon or we’ll be labeled as “easy”
-as squeaky clean as plastic (sometimes literally…)–think Barbie, ladies- but al natural and boho
-tall with legs a mile long but then again, petite is “in”…like it’s a trend and something that people can decide like lip gloss
-to strategically take care of herself by perhaps “marrying up” but not be a golddigger…

Maybe it just goes to show that all types of men like all types of women …but jeez it can be a challenge to figure out what works. Beauty is everywhere–but it breaks my heart to see women who just can’t seem to see it in themselves and instead compare themselves incessantly to ridiculous ideals and arbitrary standards.

Last night I was working out with a friend. We were on the treadmills for about half an hour when I realized how she was describing her husband of five years.

In a time of astronomical amounts of superficial standards, infidelity and divorce, I was refreshed, relieved…and, I’ll admit, a little taken aback actually by her words.

She described him as being just “an amazing person,” one who, in her mind, would be the “ideal” for any woman looking for a husband. A kind, thoughtful man with dignity and a sure sense of responsibility …and, perhaps her favorite thing of all–the fact that he’s not only a “family man,” but a “husband man” as well. And in being a “husband man,” he wants what is best for his stay-at-home-mom-wife and knows the importance of her having her own identity and individuality.

He knows that at the end of the day, she’s not just “Mom,” who adores him and their three kids, but “Jane,” who also likes adult conversation and has dreams of going back to school as well.

Basically, they’re a team…and not just giving it fifty/fifty, but hundred/hundred. I think that’s something we can all hope for…eventually

Do you ever have one of those days …the kind where loose ends are finally tied but not in the way they’re supposed to be?

I am a fool. I’m not supposed to care about my exes… (HA! The girl who really only considers her former flames to hone the title of “boyfriend” to be the men who stuck it out with her for over a year)… but I can’t help it. I’m a woman. Ugh …it’s been almost three months since I had any contact at all with him…and tonight he broke it. On myspace. Complete with a photo of him and his new flame. She’s cute too. Double stinger. “Status: In a Relationship.”

Ptew. Honestly, I hope it goes better for them than his and my relationshit.

Sigh. Okay, pity party’s over. Tomorrow is another day… thirsty thursday happy hour is on its way…and this weekend: VEGAS BABY. Hey, Sandy can have fun too.

I’ve been known to get a case of it… Most people who know me would never characterize me as being “shy,� but I’d beg to differ with them. I get so nervous sometimes when I’m around a guy I fancy.

I won’t know what to say, my palms get sweaty, I laugh in a way that could only be described as a chortle—if he’s lucky, it will be followed by a snort… you get the idea.

In the book, Dating for Dummies, Dr. Joy Browne suggests a few ways to overcome shyness:

+ Practice smiling and making eye contact. Lift your chin off your chest and nonverbally connect with people who seem nice and interesting to you. (No touching; just look and smile.)

+ Decide to chat with one new person a week. It can be in the grocery store, the school cafeteria, the line at the bank. Nothing breeds success like success. (You know, she does have a point…)

+ Act “as if.� If everyone waited until they were totally comfortable before trying anything new, no one would do anything new! Pretend you’re not shy and act “as if� you’re full of confidence.

+ Have fun! – shift the focus away from your own fears and zero in on what makes someone else tick. Before you know it, you’ll forget all about being shy.

The next time I’m falling head over heels, I can bet you everything in my wallet (which isn’t much by the way) that I’ll be rockin’ out to the these… Here are my top five songs for celebrating a new love (or just “like”) interest — put these fly tunes of yer ol’ ipod there

1. “Clumsy” by Fergie
2. “Falling is like this” by Ani DiFranco
3. “Fluorescent” by Gwen Stefani
4. “Hell Yeah” by Ani DiFranco
5. “Get your number” by Mariah Carey

Hope you get a chance to check them out Enjoy!

What is it with women and our need to nest? And even when we ourselves have nested, we’re not done nesting. We have to spread the wealth of the nest as if we’re proverbially picking up the twigs by the mouth and spitting them at our single friends. Birds force-feed their young, women force-hitch their friends.

(Un)fortunately in this case, I’m one of the “single folk” who’s nest (or lack thereof) is being spat upon. I know several women–my mother included– who have an impeccable way of pairing people up. Maybe they have a knack for reading people and discerning their wants and needs correctly. Maybe they’re just really good with figuring out compatible personalities …or maybe it’s a gift.

I’m talking about matchmakers. A dear friend in college used to key me in on a new guy each week marketing him as the future father of my babies; my mom has always gone for the “nice looking” men who have a “genuine and sincere smile” fit for her daughter; right now I have two girlfriends who are in cahoots and actually do a pretty good job picking out decent men…the only drawback is that the one other I allowed them to set me up with was the infamous cop… dunno bout that.

Tonight, however an adorable (taken and also a mommy) friend of a friend decided to share a story about this nice young gentleman about “my age” who seemed like a good fit for me. She disclaimed, “I have to warn you though, when I pair people up, they get married.” Astounding. Could this mystery man be my future husband? …I guess I’ll have to wait and see…

One thing that I think is pretty crucial to any relationship is a having a whole lot of faith. I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine decided that one of her dealbreakers in a relationship was to be with someone who shared her faith. Some people might not think it’s necessarily that big of a deal. But when things like morals, ethics and simple distinguishing between “right” and “wrong” come in to play, it’s good to at the very least have a foundation upon which both you and your partner can come together on a spiritual level to share with one another. If two people cannot connect in their beliefs, they’ll have other disconnects in other areas of their lives and may not feel fulfilled and may compromise their overall ultimate happiness.

Who are we trying to impress? In an age where some women are composed of more plastic than skin, it can be tough to live up to this idealist image that is out of the majority of the population’s league.

Women get boob jobs, face lifts, tummy tucks and liposuction. In the last couple of years, the new trend for men has been to get butt and calf implants–I’m not kidding!

So who is it we’re trying to look good for? The opposite sex, or our same sex counterparts so we can be envied or at least feel up to par? Or do we do it to ourselves for ourselves? Are we masochists by nature?

It can be a tough call and of course, depends on each individual’s self esteem. I’ve been thinking about this more lately because a dear friend of mine recently went under the knife (yesterday in fact) and is in a heck of a lot of pain. I can’t help but wonder if it’s worth the pain, the time, the money…

It’s no secret. I’m guilty of it. You are too. Everyone loves a little dish-fest whether it’s about celebrities, bosses or professors, the red head across the street or a distant cousin.

Heck, you’ve probably even spread a word or two about a friend or family member–good or bad. According to href=”http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19748142/wid/11915773?GT1=10212″ men and women gossip differently…well, duh.

But what may be news to you is that men are more likely to divulge information to lovers whereas we women have little problem sharing information with friends and family members in addition to our lovers… Apparently, research shows it’s not so bad after all –disclaimer!–IF done sans malice and used as a way to network or bond socially.

So make him spill, ladies…he’s gotta tell someone!