Dating Outlook

It pains me to talk to my mom on nights like tonight. I just got back from visiting the town I grew up in and am going through the initial onset of homesickness. Three days in to being back in a routine and it’s right on time.

I think it scares her to think of me living somewhere else like I am now, falling in love and eventually ending up with someone she hardly knows.

I think it pains her even more to swallow the harsh reality of the fact that wherever I end up, if it’s x amount of miles away from Iowa, it may put a mild damper on my discretionary income today…but say, ten years from now (and bear with me, I’m going out on a limb here) when I’ve settled down with a husband and perhaps have children, it will be a hell of a lot more expensive to travel and spend time with her and my dad.

I guess it weighs on me too.

Especially times like now when I’m embarking on a potential date set for this Friday with a native San Diegan who is adamant about never leaving, but have the fresh butterflies of the hometown honey still fluttering; it makes me wish for the wisdom of hindsight.

“If he’s interested, you’ll know it. You won’t have to guess.� My dad, a hopeless romantic and rebel at heart, made sure my mom knew he was interested. He just broke off his engagement to his high school sweetheart. She was dating around having just ended a three year relationship herself. They spent the end of summer together and had a blast. Fall came and she had to go back to college, despite his attempts and pleas to make her stay.

Three months, and they knew. They knew they wanted to promise “til death,� to one another. Three months.It wasn’t until he sent two dozen roses and hitchhiked the three hour drive to her university that he finally convinced her to come back. In November, she accepted his proposal. In May, married him.

Twenty-eight years later they have me, a twenty-three year old daughter who tries to find a balance between envying and being skeptical albeit hopeful of the possibility of finding something comparable in her life.

I guess I have someone who’s “into� me. He didn’t leave me much room for guessing when he was coaching ninety miles north and would have to be there the following day…but I was leaving to head back to San Diego the next day and he wanted to see me. So he made the trip down to see me. It takes me back to Sex and the City’s Charlotte who talks about the “grand gesture� …and I because a lot of the men I’ve dated recently haven’t been into the double G thing, I like to think of his trek as a grand gesture… one that makes me not have to guess. I guess.

My personal gauges on how to tell He’s Just Not Worth it or He’s Just Not That Into You Part I and Part II

Do you believe in soulmates? Are you on the hunt for the elusive “one” for you?

Do you nitpick your dates to convince yourself he/she is completely wrong for you? Or do you want to be part of a couple so badly you look beyond his irritating habit of picking his teeth during dinner or her neurotic tendencies…

Signs your date isn’t The One lists a few ways to put your problems and differences into perspective and decide whether or not you’re being met with a dealbreaker.

WHOA –insight! So, MSN dating seems to really pique my interest these days… I was just reading “On the road to love…” a way to decode you and your partner’s (or potential partner’s) love personality by what type of vehicle you drive. Hmm…

Sandy= 2000 Chevy Cavalier… “sensible sedan” (hey I’m a recent grad, it gets me from point A to B, I’m happy, don’t judge. BONUS- I’m an uber minority in southern California, the land of bmw’s, benz’s and big ol’ gas guzzlas so there, I’m unique ha!) *steps off soap box*

According to this gauge, apparently I know how to save money and I don’t take big risks… hmm.. interesting. I don’t know how much I agree with that, but okay… now for the fun…

The guy in my hometown (who my co-worker has dubbed “FH” [Future Husband]), who I got to see this last week, drives an FJ Cruiser… and they actually have a profile for that. Looks like these people look for partners who take risks (does choosing a completely random city where she knows no one and magically starts a life there by herself for a year or so count?) and is tolerant of drama queens… YES! DOUBLE BONUS!@! TADA we’re a match made in highway heaven *swoon*

Anyway, if you want to check out you and your mate’s motorin’ match factor, check out On the Road to Love

I’m beginning to think I’m just a masochist.

What good can come out of hometown step-above flirtations that are carried on for months through text messaging and then reunited in the form of a hyperweek of hanging out, wishful smothering but trying to give the other person enough space because, let’s be real–it’s not going anywhere. It can’t.

Not only is he amazing, but I live 2000 miles away and in three days will be without his utter amazingness. Sigh. I sit thinking, is he really this amazing or is it the fact that soon I just won’t have my cuddle buddy that suddenly I think the unthinkable and that is, “well, you never know…we could try it out…blah blah blah.”

The lies we tell ourselves are hilarious. Really.

Okay.

Forget the menial detail of distance for a minute. Take into account the fact that he (and therefore his mother) is Catholic. Being the heathen child of an interfaith couple myself, I’m well aware of the unnecessary drama (”You’re not marrying my son…” etc) brought into one’s life because they neglected to take their parents’ “better” judgment into account. Brilliant.

Show of hands, get ready–random poll!– Who has seen the movie/read the book, “The 5 people you meet in Heaven?”…….. okay, good… well, this really has nothing to do with that other than the fact that the article is called,
The 6 people you meet in bars“…and I found it to be hilarious.

If you’re a frequent bar-goer, be on the lookout for these six who are guaranteed to either make or break your happy hour experience.

And remember, if you don’t meet any of them, chances are you’re one of them… which one are you?

I’m curious…

Following up, I think “Can you forgive–for real?” is a thinking piece… do you have someone in your life you need to forgive?

Give it time. If you’re the one doing the forgiving, know that forgiveness does not concede or say that what the other person did was right or even okay, but what it does do is free you from your internal prison of hate and resentment.

Do you need someone to forgive you for something you’ve done?

You might not be giving your loved one enough credit–they may have forgiven you aleady and you might just not know it yet.

Two dear friends of mine are very evolved in their abilities to forgive. Both are extraordinary women. Both have been betrayed by the love of their life and both of them somehow have found a very profound and loving grace within them that can only be described as unconditional love. The only thing I can think of comparing this love to is what I think of God to be, I guess.

When someone you’re so close to–whether you’re engaged, married or a best friend to, whatever–when that person betrays you by doing something that many people would find to be unforgiveable…cheating, blowing away a shared life savings, essentially living a double life… what is it in us that allows us to forgive that person?

At the risk of sounding trite, I think of relationships as a sort of social bank account. Depositing time, energy and love accrues over time and eventually makes a pretty good foundation on which two people can have a decent bond.

But when one of those people withdraws to the point where they’re over-drawing, start accumulating metaphorical fees and get stuck in the red… how do we get back to the safe place where the red is no longer a worry?

Or is it always there?

We all have them… but are we aware of them?

I wonder what my reputation is… if I had to guess, I’d say I have the reputation of being notoriously loud… and, well…I probably talk too much. And, honestly that’s all I can think of right now.

When you begin dating someone, do you know their reputations already? Guess? Do you meet their friends? If you live in a small community where there is literally three degrees of separation of everyone being practically related, do you investigate to try to puzzle together the idiosyncracies of your date’s personality before they’re blatantly put out in front of you (or you along with the world) to see?

If your guy is a hothead and flies off the handle, would you want to know that ahead of time?

If he galavants and has commitment issues, would you rather talk to a past fling of his to get the truth (or maybe a jealous psycho rage, who really knows for sure?) about his ways or go through the course at your own speed and find out in your own way?

A few weeks ago I touched on how “picking up” is considered an art? Well apparently there’s a little bit of depth to the theory.

If you’re dating inept or are like me and just curious in how these “artists” think, perform and exhibit their art, I recommend checking out How to win over any woman.

Being on the other side (ahem, that is, being a woman), I think there is a lot of value in the responses to both
“What’s the biggest mistake guys make when they’re approaching a woman?” and
“What’s an easy way for guys to be more attractive to women?”

These tips seem like no-brainers, but I’m telling you–they’re priceless! And yet worth every penny-but ha! here’s the really great thing–they’re free. So go to the site and read up. You might just learn something you could put into action this weekend. Maybe even tonight?

I was out with a guy friend of mine recently. At one point during the night he made a point to tag back a would-be date for Saturday night with full intention of having just the right amount of noise and women’s laughter in the background.

Call it whatever you want –ultimately, it’s a strategy.

Do you ever do this? I’m probably guilty, though I’m not much of a player in these sorts of games so much as an oblivious bystander at times… ha.

Come on, it’s clever. It’s a way to be available without being too available. It’s a way of showing interest minus the desperation factor and basically sums a guy up to showing said girl that he does in fact have a life outside of her–and has friends even!– and is fully capable of carrying on with or without her.

Smooth move my friend Here’s to you and a-hoping you get a lil sum’sum set for Saturday!

Texting… what a phenomenon. I’ve talked to friends about it… and the consensus seems clear, “it’s just so much easier than picking up the phone and talking (even though it’s literally already in your hands right? Unless you’ve got text telepathy I mean come on)”

So how does it affect our dating lives? I guess we can multi-text …if someone’s main concern is a booty call, triple text some potential poo-tang and see whoever’s available?

Tonight was probably my first really long text session… unfortunately my plan doesn’t cover unlimited texting which means I’m dinged $0.10 for each–sent and received… sigh.

Oh well, maybe one day I’ll grow up and be able to use a phone

Okay so I thought “Quiet Parties,” were the new and crazy thing in dating…shows just how out of the loop I am.

Silly Sandy. Looking in all the wrong places.

Apparently there’s a whole slew of random dating action occurring and it’s all right at your fingertips. I recommend checking out New Mating Rituals …
So, the Quiet Party is just the beginning. They’ve even hooked technology into it–mobile to mobile compatibility alerts are making their way into the dating realm. Who’d a thunk?

I’m always interested to hear about new and innovative ways of dating… I thought all of them were kind of washed up and old but just when I thought I’d heard everything… I stumbled upon “The Quiet Party.”

If you reside in either NYC or San Francisco, you might have heard of it… apparently, spoken word is forbidden at these organized “parties,” and potential daters must communicate by writing only. The only way to get around this rule is to go to a “whispering area” where participants are allowed to finally break the silence.

Contact info for hosting a party in your city, FAQ’s and more information can be found at Quiet Party

I did a little browsing on the ol’ net and was intrigued when I found “10 Ways Women Judge You,” a list, or more accurately, a do’s and don’ts guide for acing the first date and beyond if you’re a guy in search for an LTR (long term relationship) or anything longer than a weekend rodeo…

As a woman, I have to say, it’s on target with what I look for initially… check it out at 10 Ways Women Judge You