Dating Outlook

A few weeks ago, while visiting my family back in the Midwest, I went on a date with a guy who blew me away. Unfortunately my lack of impeccable timing—i.e. going on a date with him the night before I left to come back to California—forced me to try to not think too much into it. Sure, I had fun.

But I couldn’t just forget about the 2500 mile span between us… could I?

That was almost two months ago. He’s had a bit of a tough road in those two months—his dad passed away. I couldn’t bring up the nerve to call him for fear of not knowing what to say. I sent a card to wish him my condolences. Didn’t hear anything… until about a week ago…and again last night. I admit, at first I thought he was confusing me with someone else in his phone…that is, until he said I should get on a plane and come back. Now, I really like this guy.

I know what you’re thinking… Sandy’s crazy. She’s been on one date with this guy and knows little more than the fact that he’s a high school history teacher, the youngest of four and he likes strawberry shakes. And that last one doesn’t count because honestly, who doesn’t like a strawberry shake?

Two months. And I’ve hardly “known� him more than a few hours. I’ve had hangovers that lasted longer than my getting to know him time. But I can’t stop thinking about him. That counts for something, right?

Not feeling quite like myself today…hopefully tomorrow will be better for writing.

Sorry

Sandy

The next time I’m falling head over heels, I can bet you everything in my wallet (which isn’t much by the way) that I’ll be rockin’ out to the these… Here are my top five songs for celebrating a new love (or just “like”) interest — put these fly tunes of yer ol’ ipod there

1. “Clumsy” by Fergie
2. “Falling is like this” by Ani DiFranco
3. “Fluorescent” by Gwen Stefani
4. “Hell Yeah” by Ani DiFranco
5. “Get your number” by Mariah Carey

Hope you get a chance to check them out Enjoy!

What is it with women and our need to nest? And even when we ourselves have nested, we’re not done nesting. We have to spread the wealth of the nest as if we’re proverbially picking up the twigs by the mouth and spitting them at our single friends. Birds force-feed their young, women force-hitch their friends.

(Un)fortunately in this case, I’m one of the “single folk” who’s nest (or lack thereof) is being spat upon. I know several women–my mother included– who have an impeccable way of pairing people up. Maybe they have a knack for reading people and discerning their wants and needs correctly. Maybe they’re just really good with figuring out compatible personalities …or maybe it’s a gift.

I’m talking about matchmakers. A dear friend in college used to key me in on a new guy each week marketing him as the future father of my babies; my mom has always gone for the “nice looking” men who have a “genuine and sincere smile” fit for her daughter; right now I have two girlfriends who are in cahoots and actually do a pretty good job picking out decent men…the only drawback is that the one other I allowed them to set me up with was the infamous cop… dunno bout that.

Tonight, however an adorable (taken and also a mommy) friend of a friend decided to share a story about this nice young gentleman about “my age” who seemed like a good fit for me. She disclaimed, “I have to warn you though, when I pair people up, they get married.” Astounding. Could this mystery man be my future husband? …I guess I’ll have to wait and see…

One thing that I think is pretty crucial to any relationship is a having a whole lot of faith. I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine decided that one of her dealbreakers in a relationship was to be with someone who shared her faith. Some people might not think it’s necessarily that big of a deal. But when things like morals, ethics and simple distinguishing between “right” and “wrong” come in to play, it’s good to at the very least have a foundation upon which both you and your partner can come together on a spiritual level to share with one another. If two people cannot connect in their beliefs, they’ll have other disconnects in other areas of their lives and may not feel fulfilled and may compromise their overall ultimate happiness.

Who are we trying to impress? In an age where some women are composed of more plastic than skin, it can be tough to live up to this idealist image that is out of the majority of the population’s league.

Women get boob jobs, face lifts, tummy tucks and liposuction. In the last couple of years, the new trend for men has been to get butt and calf implants–I’m not kidding!

So who is it we’re trying to look good for? The opposite sex, or our same sex counterparts so we can be envied or at least feel up to par? Or do we do it to ourselves for ourselves? Are we masochists by nature?

It can be a tough call and of course, depends on each individual’s self esteem. I’ve been thinking about this more lately because a dear friend of mine recently went under the knife (yesterday in fact) and is in a heck of a lot of pain. I can’t help but wonder if it’s worth the pain, the time, the money…

It’s no secret. I’m guilty of it. You are too. Everyone loves a little dish-fest whether it’s about celebrities, bosses or professors, the red head across the street or a distant cousin.

Heck, you’ve probably even spread a word or two about a friend or family member–good or bad. According to href=”http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19748142/wid/11915773?GT1=10212″ men and women gossip differently…well, duh.

But what may be news to you is that men are more likely to divulge information to lovers whereas we women have little problem sharing information with friends and family members in addition to our lovers… Apparently, research shows it’s not so bad after all –disclaimer!–IF done sans malice and used as a way to network or bond socially.

So make him spill, ladies…he’s gotta tell someone!

So tonight I had to do something I don’t really enjoy and that is being brutally honest. To the point where I feel like I’m crossing the line just a little.

The artist formerly known as “smokey breath” continues to pursue. However, it had been a couple of weeks since his last point of contact and so his latest message was one of concern…and was even bordering on a line of defense. He was asking if he had said something horrible to offend me during our last encounter…

Now, he’s the one who works with people in relationships. He studies STDs and people’s sexual behaviors and behaviors in and out of relationships with others.

He is the one who swelled with pride about his vast knowledge in being able to manipulate the actions of others around him by merely acting or reacting in a certain way.

He was the one who was so confident in his stance that he spoke with conviction at how important it is when letting someone go, to be “consistent” with the strategy.

In my letting go of him, I chose to tell him right away how I felt–nothing–and then proceeded with silence. And I chose to be consistent.

He, in turn, continued to pursue…I decided to ignore it instead of protest for fear of leading him on…

okay, so what did he expect? Did he think I was just being coy and playing hard to get so he could conquer me in his attempt to win me over? Or is he just dense in his refusal to take my word for what I know I didn’t feel? …

In the book, “Dating for Dummies,” by Dr. Joy Browne, there is a section about communication. Men are from …where is it, Mars? and women are from Venus, yes? Of course we speak different languages and make different assumptions when we’re beginning or in the middle of a relationship.

Browne contests that the biggest “potential for post-date communications glitches involves time.” Particularly, girl time vs. guy time. The phrase “I’ll call you soon,” can make or break a budding relationship. In girl time, “soon,” can mean anywhere from ten minutes to at the very latest, three days. “Soon” to him may mean whenever he “gets around to it…” anywhere from a week to when football season is over…

I’ve definitely had this problem. I can’t stand it when a guy says he’ll call me “soon.” What the heck does that mean? I’m left waiting by the phone while he’s at target practice or shooting hoops. Sure, no one wants to come off as needy, but a more definitive timeframe would surely be convenient, would it not?

A dear friend of mine just got a new roommate last week. She has a boyfriend and he knows this… but has apparently decided to fall in love with her and has proceeded to participate in somewhat bizarre behavior including buying $300+ of groceries for “the two of them,” calling her pet names and using terms of endearment in her presence, and referring to them as a couple. He has lived there for five days.

Has anyone out there ever dealt with someone who is delusional? What’s good is that the landlord was informed of the situation and is making him move out by next Thursday. The bad is that now this guy knows where she lives and despite her best efforts to “talk to him” and make things clear by not at all leading him on, he still doesn’t seem to “get it.”

Take a class… many cities offer classes in just about any subject for a nominal fee or even for free. Learn how to basket-weave, become an amateur photographer or take a course in creative writing.

Join a church or community fellowship… many offer “small groups” that are available according to demographic (for example, for men or women, college-aged, high school and middle-school aged childrens) that place you in the position to meet others in your age group.

Volunteer… look into your local humane society, soup kitchen or zoo and check to see if they have a volunteer program available. Whether it’s assisting in feeding baby birds or helping out the hungry homeless, it will be a gratifying way to meet other generous givers such as yourself…

Single and looking but not into the “speedating” scene? Try these out venues for finding your next flirtation or fling…

If you’re in a city, check out craigslist.org for “events” listings… you’re sure to find a plethora of options ranging from charity discos to themed hotspots.

If you’re into meeting others with a specific hobby in mind, Meetup.com is another great way to find a group of people with common interests. Meetup caters to everyone from newcomers to your town to people interested in lacrosse, to italian speakers. If you have interests, any at all, you’ll be able to find a meetup group that’s right for you.

If you’re young or hey even young at heart, check out the YPC or “Young Professionals Committee.” A group dedicated towards benefitting “Big Brothers Big Sisters,” this group has monthly networking opportunities sponsored by big name brands such as Tommy Bahama and offer free drinks, music and mingling for a modest donation at the door. I’ve gone to the get-togethers in my area and have been pleasantly surprised with the crowds–it’s a great way to meet people…and just maybe a special someone

Have you ever been around a couple who seems completely mismatched? I’m talking more about personality differences as opposed to physical. I’m often baffled when I meet a quiet and reserved person paired up with the class clown or when the super adventurous type is in love with a home body.

How do these couples work? I wonder if the compromise is tough or if there is any compromise at all. Fundamentally, I would really like to know and understand the foundation of their relationships because I think most people would have something to gain learning from unlikely matches.

Jealousy is not a fun issue. I tend to have very little tolerance with the guy I’m dating if he becomes jealous when I make eye contact or speak to another guy. It would be one thing if I were ogling men left and right, constantly “checking them out” or flirting with the waiter/pizza guy/cab driver.

But I don’t.

I’ve had situations with ego-maniacs who get antsy when I talk to their friends or brothers.

I once had a boyfriend get jealous of the level of interest I would pay my cat. I don’t know if he thought the cat was intentionally stealing away my hard-sought-after attention or what exactly… but clearly, the cat wasn’t a threat. Maybe it was a testosterone thing. The cat was indeed male–but neutered. What makes a person jealous? Their own insecurities?

When you get jealous, does it make you want to fight or do you back off? I guess I would have to say I’m in the latter category… I’ve been the girl to deliberately avoid my guy’s myspace page just so I’m sure I don’t see cutesy comments from “CraZyCatieDeLiCioUs748920″ on their page for fear of having a meltdown…

Public displays of affection… what’s the deal? I was talking to my younger brother about this sensitive subject a few days ago.

Do people publicly display their affection for one another because they genuinely want to show their “love” or “like” for their partner, or is it them marking their territory? When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend who was very affectionate in public and for whatever reason–probably because he was a possessive person, I associated it as being a possessive trait or behavior. Since then, when men I’ve dated have been openly affectionate, I find myself shying away from their affections assuming the action has a label attached…as if “I belong to so-and-so” is tattooed to my forehead.

Maybe I read too much into these things…