Dating Outlook

As I lie in the sun trying to will a copper glow, it isn’t so much as three minutes that I put my stuff down that three uniform clad police officers on horseback trot in front of me. Not that I can concentrate on much else lately, my mind turns to the police officer I’ve been seeing. You may remember him from some earlier posts. This is the polygraph guy (yeah, a cop. Weird.)… As well as the “girl of my dreamsâ€? guy. He also has a recurring role as the “I have a really crappy phoneâ€? guy. As far as I’m concerned he lives up to his title in that half of the words that escape his lips are cop-outs.

Long story short, ours has been an on-again off-again rollercoaster of a budding relationship—for me at least. Emotionally, I have been spent more times than I can count. At times, just trying to talk to the guy is like being wrapped up in folds of wet burlap—incredibly irritating and tough to get anywhere. I feel like I’m living the same drama—a copycat of reruns making their way into my life over and over.

It really shouldn’t be this hard. Not this early in — when everyone is supposed to be on their best behavior. But every time I cut the strings, he somehow finds the one dangling thread and climbs back up (he also prides himself in being the “I’m buffâ€? guy. It’s only natural that he would climb).

An “America’s Finest� Chevy Tahoe passes with a female officer behind the wheel. I can handle this, I think. I like themes. Such is life. Of course when I’m trying to put something out of my mind (read “the cop�) and out of seventy miles of beaches the entire city PD decides to stalk (er…stake? Stalking’s illegal right?) me out on this one.

Well, for now he’s somehow managed to waltz his way back into the picture. But to be perfectly honest, I’m finally going to do what I can to just let it be. It is what it is. Nothing more nothing less. I’m convincing myself the only way I can consciously cope with the cop is to be copiously cautious.

Stay tuned—who knows—maybe he’ll make a cameo appearance as the “something I least expected� guy. Sigh.

xx
Sandy

Why is it that some men are like a drug? The guy I am currently seeing does things to me. Before seeing him, I get an anxiety comparable to the after-effects of three double espressos from Starbucks. When we’re together, I’m either euphoric—I get wrapped up in the folds of his presence. Or a volatile mess— the two of us together are too proud, stubborn, and egotistical and in short, a train wreck. When I come off the high of being around him, it’s a low like I’ve never known. It’s an exhaustive, zombie-like coma. And when I go an extended period of time without seeing him, I go through what could only be described as a state of withdrawal. Maybe the drug isn’t so much the man, but the infatuation with the man. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s a challenge—something I haven’t had in quite some time. In either case, I want a new drug.

Thankfully, I was neither born last night nor am I inexperienced when it comes to dating. The truth is, no matter how “vulnerable� a man may claim to be in an attempt to avoid “the talk,� it is true that when he is really into a girl, he pulls out all the stops. This is the voice of experience. Nothing can or will stand in his way to be with the real “girl of his dreams.� Going through the motions of a nine-month courtship with only the promise of having a long-distance relationship for the first year of being together? Been there. Maybe I’ve been spoiled in thinking it shouldn’t be a problem for a guy to drive 20 miles out of the way to pick me up for a “real date� when I’ve had men who have no problem driving three hours or fly across the country or move to another continent for me (yes, really and no, I’m not bragging because of course, I was willing to do my part too… but unfortunately, they didn’t work out, so there). A challenge you say? Only if pesky things like money or jobs or school get in the way…but the few who were (WAY) into me seemed to always make it work. He doesn’t let anything in his way, he wants and does spend as much time with you as possible and makes sure of it. He calls when he says he’s going to, he makes plans and his word is impeccable. And if something comes up, he makes it up to you. His actions do speak louder than his words just to prove to you that he is in fact into you—and he doesn’t allow you to think otherwise.

xx
Sandy

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last two years, you have probably read or at least felt the effects of the uproar over “He’s Just Not That Into You.� In this matter-of-fact book of dating diagnoses, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo offer a controversial yet liberating resolve to precisely 97.6% of the woes of dating. Of course, the remaining 2.4% is leftover for exceptions or those of us out there who are celibate, bipolar or asexual. Scenario after scenario (read: he doesn’t call when he says he’s going to; he falls off the face of the earth for two weeks flat; he’s simply married) is dissected in order to make women come to one realization and one realization only: the guy she is seeing is just not that into her.

Why is it that we women make everything so complicated and assume that every situation with a man must be complicated as well? I know I’m guilty of this…surely my female friends are… wait for it, I’m counting…yes it’s true, we’re all insane. I’m sorry, I can’t help I was born with two X chromosomes.

Allow me to explain…most recently, I was casually seeing a guy I admittedly was pretty into. He was great—we got along, had similar senses of humor and we had fun together. But it was nagging me…actions speak louder than words right? Was it just a coincidence that every date we went on included a movie he chose or ended with “hanging out� with a group of mutual friends? Wasn’t it weird that randomly I wouldn’t hear from him for over a week at a time and when confronted about it would tell me that I was supposed to call him like it was a game of “tag.�

“Oh, he wants to take it slow,â€? I’d tell myself. “I’m not originally from California and maybe he’s scared to get close for fear of me moving away…â€? Or, “His longest relationship has only been three months; I just think he doesn’t know what to do since he hasn’t had much experience with pursuing women;â€? or my personal favorite, “Maybe he’s intimidated by me—he said so himself… He actually used the phrase “the girl of his dreamsâ€? to describe me to my face!â€? It all sounds so romantic and lovely and great, really…to a woman. What a load of crap. And I fell for it. Well, a little. Sigh. Gotta love the drama created within the imagination.

xx
Sandy

So this is it. Here I am. My first blog. My name is Sandy. I’m guessing I’m here because the last author fell in love. Good for her. Maybe her luck will rub off on us all… let’s be honest. That’s why you’re here right? Either that or you’re a member of my immediate circle of trust whom I’ve all but forced into checking out my new favorite hobby.

But really, isn’t that everyone’s ultimate goal? To fall in love? As much as I loathe dating—I mean, come on, at times, it can be agonizing—I guess it beats arranged marriage. Do me a favor. Just humor me a little. Take a moment to think about the worst date you’ve ever been on. Now think about your parents playing a cruel joke on you that never ends and they decide you and that other person would make a great couple. I don’t know about you, but I’m having flashbacks of this date of one guy who actually gave me a polygraph test. No joke. This was something he must have done a time or two, because believe you me—saying his questions were rehearsed is an understatement. He might as well have had an eleven page single-spaced manuscript in front of him. Verbatim. He didn’t even flinch. At first I thought it was funny. It was like a game to me. And I actually thought about my answers… why, I will never know because it didn’t really matter either way. But, after an hour or so of questions like “have you ever sped over 90 mph?� or “have you ever been addicted to narcotics, prescription drugs or aerosol cans?� or my favorite, “have you ever been to Vegas?� At one point I actually tried to look outside to see if I could spot Ashton Kutcher because I thought I being punked… (hey, he’s a fellow Iowan, it could happen). Luckily, I passed the polygraph. Only God knows what I would have been in for if I wouldn’t have.

In any case, I couldn’t be happier to be here. On to my research… this ought to be fun.

XX
Sandy