Dating Outlook

I love words. I read books about words. I have a degree in words (of another language). I write a lot of words. I absolutely adore words. Some words are short and concise while others are drawn-out and without end. I love them all.

My favorite word, above all others, is definately muliebrity, which means “womanly nature or qualities, the state of being a woman.” I rarely use it because no one else knows what it means and I have to define it each time (which I should also take pleasure in … maybe I need to think about this and begin using it more?!?) but not only is it a pretty sounding word (myoo-lee-eb-ri-tee), it has a beautiful definition, too! I shall try to use this more … more people need to use my favorite word.

There are a lot of words surrounding the idea of dating that I also like … and seem to use quite often when speaking of my emotions regarding dates, men and their actions. I thought maybe I’d list three positive and three negative ones in hopes that someone else would pipe up with new “dating” words they like! Here goes!

smitten - (this has many definitions, one of which includes “struck, as with a hard blow” … that’s not the definition I’m thinking of, but it might work in a “dating” sense!) I like the “very much in love” definition best. (This word is a past form of the better-known word smite. LOL)
twitterpated - confused by affection or infatuation (do you remember this word from Disney’s Bambi?)
enamoured - delighted with

repulsed - extreme aversion
overbearing - to treat in a domineering way; dominate; to overcome or overwhelm
creepy - of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is a creep; obnoxious; weird (this is my favorite negative dating word … it can take so many forms!)

All definitions are courtesy of Dictionary.com today!

dating words, word, etemology, smitten, twitterpated, enamoured, repulsed, overbearing, creepy, Dictionary.com

Dating sites are dangerous places. Seriously … there are a million things that could go wrong with an internet date … and sometimes they happen before we even meet the person we’re talking to. The following is an email that goes around randomly sometimes, but someone else has decided to use it as their personal ad. Do they really believe that this is going to attract a woman? It might attract a man of the same sense of humor, but otherwise … I’m boggled.

25 Rules for Women, as Dictated by Men

1. SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister.
2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.
3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.
4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
5. Butthead is the smart one. (And that is why I shall call you Butthead.)
6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
7. You probably don’t want to know what we’re thinking about.
8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about “us” and “the relationship.”
9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out the beer.
11. Socks never constitute a gift. (If you’d remember that we like gifts, too, maybe you won’t get socks this year!)
12. I just noticed there was never a #12. Weird.
13. We don’t know anything about handbags. Don’t even ask.
14. We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
15. Even if you think he’s cute, Kevin Costner can’t act.
16. Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good sense to do “Sirens” rather than “Waterworld.”
18. Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in favor of yours.
20. Its in neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
21. Don’t expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.
22. Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation are not.
23. Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better.
24. No, you can’t have the remote control.
25. If you must take us with you into Victoria’s Secret, never, ever leave us alone. All the old ladies make mean faces at us and only add to our discomfort.

dating, humor, men & women, personal ads

What happens when you speed date and decide that most of the potential partners you meet are date-able? According to a research student from Northwestern University (of 156 college students), you look desperate! “If you are unselective in your approach, people are going to be able to tell and are not going to like it,” said Eli J. Finkel, a co-author of the study, due to be published in the April issue of Psychological Science.

For simply platonic relationships, experts have said all you need to do to get someone to like you, is to like them. However, within romantic relationships, this newest study suggest that the “what a friendly guy” or the “what a nice girl” tone doesn’t work - it seems more desperate and even that hint of despair may be unappealing.

During this speed-dating study, potential “matches” (between 9 and 13 members of the opposite-sex) spoke for four minutes. After the meeting questions were answered about sexual attraction & likability of the prospective partners. Partners received contact information from others with a mutual “yes” answer. After this information was released, Paul Eastwick, a Northwestern graduate student (as well as the study’s lead author) said; “we know that to the extent you liked everyone, you tend not to be liked,” Selectivity worked, however. “If you go speed dating, and you like one [date] more than the other dates, that person is more likely to like you back,” he said. According to Eastwick, the study underscores “the importance of making a date feel unique or special even in the first four minutes.”

While the study shows that selectivity can work, there is no solid evidence as to what “cues” work best on helping couples “click.” Susan Sprecher, a professor of sociology and psychology at Illinois State University cited other research that found that playing hard to get with everyone didn’t always work. “But playing selectively hard to get does work,” she said. This could mean that by playing hard to get you can make your potential partner believe that it’ll be easy for him or her to “get” you while it makes everyone else struggle.

So, overall what does this mean? Two major things stand out for me:
- make your date feel special in four minutes … (we’ll have to figure out how to do this in a future blog)
- it’s okay to be picky - if you don’t like him (or her), you don’t have to feel guilty!

(It Pays to Be Picky in Love by Kathleen Doheny )

dating, speed-dating, being picky, men, women, relationships, Illinois State University, Kathleen Doheny, playing hard to get

I mentioned in my previous entry that I didn’t join a dating site because I had friends who were willing to set me up with their male friends if I expressed interest. I never actually said anything, but apparently I had a “desperate” stamp on my forehead and they read it loud & clear. However, if you don’t have friends with single male friends, or don’t have the in-person connections, there are millions of dating sites out there you could join to get to know someone in your area. I found the top six online dating sites through About.com and thought that I’d share them here. I don’t indorse any of them, as I haven’t used them, but everyone needs resources, right?

1. Match.com - According to Match.com, “Love is complicated, match is simple”. Match.com is one of the biggest online dating sites, claiming that almost 250,000 people meet that special someone each year on their site. They also claim to have inspried twice as many marriages as any other online dating site.

2. Yahoo! Personals - Yahoo! Personals claims you’ll “Find better first dates, more second dates!” Focusing on compatability, Yahoo! Personals aims to provide a combination of individual choice, quality matches, and a top-notch user experience to make the most of your personal time.

3. EHarmony.com - eHarmony is the online dating site for people who are “ready to find the love of their life.” eHarmony offers a personality profile that scores your preferences on 29 key dimensions critical to relationship success. The profile is then used to help you find your true love.

4. America’s Internet Dating - “America’s Internet Dating is the love spot. The dating site offers you a fun and safe way to meet that special someone. Signing up is simple, free, and fun to do. It takes no time and your social life will soar.”

5. True.com - True.com believes in “safety first” and offers the most extensive marital and criminal background checks on the Internet. They also claim to have the only scientific-based compatibility profile to measure 99 important relationship factors.

6. U-Singles.com - Don’t let love pass “U” by! This is a new site offering millions of singles to choose from. You can search for a match based on criteria such as looks, hobbies, location, age, interests, religion and income all in the privacy of your own home. There’s nothing like logging on to find out that “You’ve Got Mail” from someone interesting.

dating, finding a date, personal ads, online dating sites, Match.com, Yahoo personals, EHarmony, America’s Internet Dating, True.com, U-singles.com, dating resources

Hi! I’m Sarah, newly divorced (it’s been final & legal for a week now) and getting back out on a dating scene. I was with Ex for 10 years - all through high school & college - which means I missed out on a lot of dating. I’ve been slowly introducing myself to the dating world and at 24, the fact that I’ve never been on a date with anyone besides Ex is absurd to most people. Rather than putting myself out there on a dating site, doing speed dating, or finding a CraigsList guy, I have been hanging out with my friends who have been introducing me to their guy friends. This has lead to a couple of phone number requests and an increase in self-confidence all while being comfortable … enough that I know I’m ready to date now.

(I also write for Mental & Emotional Health and so when I saw that this blog was looking for a writer, I figured that there was enough material from my life to come up with five posts a week - and let’s hope that it’s entertaining!)

In the past 8 months I’ve been doing a lot of reading on how to date. Some of the articles crack me up, and this MSN dating article was among them. I love to read personal “stories” about what to do and what not to do, and with 10 mini-stories, this article fit my entertainment requirements perfectly!

“Rule #6: Don’t put all your cards on the table
“I guess it had been so long since I’d dated, I wasn’t sure how to act. Within the first five minutes of my first date, I explained my whole history, laid out exactly the type of person I was looking for, and explained that I wanted to remarry. My date was clearly freaked out. Now I know that a date isn’t a job interview. Take it slow and let your story unfold as time goes on.�
–Shelley-Ann Poole, 33, Hartford, CT”

dating, dating post-divorce, divorce, introduction, young divorce, MSN